With playoffs coming up, chances are you’re going to be tricked into watching hockey with an eclectic group of people looking for an excuse to drink on a Tuesday evening. The appeal of being around a group of friends to celebrate when the team finally finds success is a siren song far too enticing for the average fan to turn down.
However, as anyone who has spent some amount of time online or in sports bars can tell you, not everyone who chooses to invest their free time into getting frustrated by the actions of millionaire athletes is entirely pleasant to be around. As a way of letting off some steam before the anxiety rollercoaster of playoffs begins, here are some of the most annoying Leafs fans you’ll come across during the postseason.
The “Just Win a Round” fan
Annoyance factor: 4/10
Much like your friend who is currently dating a DJ/Entrepreneur, this fan has had their standards lowered to depths usually reserved for shipwrecks and fish that resemble Lovecraftian horrors. All they want out of this season is for the Toronto Maple Leafs to win four games. Should they get swept in the second round, losing every game by record setting scores, it won’t matter. The goal is simply to win around.
They’re a type of fan who can be perfectly enjoyable when winning, but the second that it seems like the team may not meet their painfully low expectations, expect for the party’s vibes to be brought down by someone clearly experiencing the kind of PTSD reserved specifically for Toronto sports fans.
The “Cup or Bust” fan
Annoyance factor: 6/10
This person is the enemy of the Just Win a Round fan, as they have set their expectations at championship or bust and make sure to let everyone know it at every opportunity. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with having high expectations for your team, but what sets this fan apart from other people who would love to see their team win, is how this person acts like they’re smarter than everyone else in the room each time they remind those gathered that the goal of the playoffs is to win the whole thing.
This person expects the team to play flawless hockey for 60 minutes straight for 16-games in a row. If anyone ever suggests any result other than championship would be acceptable for the season, the Cup or Bust fan will go into a tirade about how that’s a loser’s mindset as they continue to try and prove to everyone in attendance, including themselves, that they are not a loser.
The “Doomsayer” fan
Annoyance factor: 7/10
With the Maple Leafs history of failure and chaotic mishaps over the past 20 years, this may just be the most common type of annoying fan. Expect this person to let out a dramatic sigh every time anything goes wrong. Even worse, expect them to ruin every good moment with an intricately described breakdown of how they’re going to blow it.
During your game watching experience, the Doomsayer will reveal their subclass by explaining an elaborate theory on why they believe the team is cursed which could range from anything in between Harold Ballard’s misdeeds to a sacrificial cult lead by Gary Bettman.
The “Not a Fan” fan
Annoyance factor: 9/10
Expect this individual to be a walking contradiction as they will almost certainly be wearing a Leafs jersey and/or hat while simultaneously spouting out the most depraved and vulgar insults towards every member of the Maple Leafs organization. There is at least one defenceman on the roster that they have harm upon and this person may even go as far as suggesting that losing would be good for the team as it would be an excuse to get rid of every player, coach, or front office member that they don’t like.
A contrarian to the nth degree, the Not a Fan brings an energy that’s way too intense to every party and spends every moment either cursing out players or telling other party guests why their favourite athlete is actually terrible.
The “Always Next Year” fan
Annoyance factor: 10/10
Let’s be honest with ourselves, this person is a fan only because they feel like they have to cheer for the home team as a way of not being left out from the thing everyone is excited about. Win or lose, they care more about simply being in attendance when things happen than the outcome of a game. At some point, you may even hear them use the term “sportsball” unironically.
All of the above is of course fine, as new fans and bandwagoners alike should be welcomed by the fanbase as a whole. What makes this person the most insufferable guest in attendance though is the sheer audacity to display how little they care about the result, while also condescending towards those that do. Should the team lose, they’ll be first to spit out a sarcastic, “Well there’s always next year!” or even worse, the dreaded, “What did you expect? Don’t they always do this?”
They are Schrodinger’s Fan in that if the team gets eliminated, they’ll simply shrug their shoulders, laugh and rehash a joke everyone has heard countless times. However, should the team someday win the whole thing, this same person will be the first to paint their face, and camp outside the parade route while wearing several hundred dollars worth of championship gear.
