It’s the middle of the NHL offseason, a desert wasteland of sorts in regard to new and interesting news related to the league and its 32 teams.
Fortunately, here at THN Florida, the magic championship dust hasn’t washed off the Panthers just yet.
We’ve had the luxury of a steady flow of Stanley Cup-related stories to tell, combined with the usual mix of summer content, to keep things chugging along while we patiently wait for rookie camp to arrive in a few weeks.
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But now a new idea has come across our newsdesk.
Our friends over at THN Vancouver had some fun earlier this month when they did a story titled The Most Absurd Predictions for the Canucks’ 2024-2025 Season.
While the headline leaves a bit open to interpretation, this isn’t your typical ‘bold prediction’ type of writeup.
This takes things to a whole ‘nother level in terms of insanity, going month-by-month with a bonkers update on how this ludicrous season went down.
Before reading the Panthers-related absurdities that we’ve come up with, it’s highly recommended that you check out THN Vancouver’s story first.
We’re going to do things a little differently, breaking up the season into a few parts. You know, for dramatic purposes.
With all that in mind, away we go…
September: Paul Maurice has players use zero pucks during training camp
The first two training camps under Paul Maurice in South Florida were not easy, and that was by design. Maurice worked his players to the bone, and during the first week of camp, he ended each practice with a grueling, exhausting physical checking drill that included a few laps around the rink for good measure. Clearly the success of those drills have gone to Mo’s head because now the Panthers went their entire training camp without the use of any pucks. Lots of skating, hitting… and not much else.
October: Panthers lead NHL in penalty minutes, score fewest goals in the league
Perhaps as a result of Florida’s lack of offensive preparation, the Panthers couldn’t find the back of the net to save their lives during the first few weeks of the season. They also couldn’t seem to resist taking penalties, but not the frustrating stick-checking calls like tripping and hooking. Nope, the majority of these infractions were much more physical: boarding, roughing, charging, etc.
November: Large hurricane forces Panthers to play almost whole month on the road
When the Panthers return from playing a pair of regular season games against the Dallas Stars in Tampere, Finland on Nov. 1 and 2, they’re supposed to enjoy a nice, long five-game homestand. Unfortunately for the Cats, and parts of Miami-Dade and Broward Counties, Hurricane William had other plans. While it wasn’t a particularly strong storm, William did bring quite a bit of rain, causing such bad flooding at Amerant Bank Arena that the Panthers would have to postpone eight of their nine schedule games in Sunrise that month.
December: Every single game ends in a shootout
If you’re a fan of the skills competition, December is going to be a fun month for you! Not only will the Panthers end up playing 16 games instead of 13 (thanks, Hurricane William), each and every single one of them are decided in a shootout. That’s right, despite overtime being 3-on-3 and Florida featuring some of the highest skilled players in the league, not a single OT goal is scored during any of the Panthers 16 overtime games. Talk about consistent!
We’ll get to the second part of the Panthers absurd 2024-25 season in short order here at THN Florida.
For now, feel free to let us know in the comments what you think of the season so far, and what you think Florida’s record should be to this point.
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